There are times, as you all know, where I like to actually talk about things other than sex, things that have nothing to do with the subject. Times when I like to let my hair down and talk about things that some people may consider silly or unreasonable. This is one of those times. If you don’t like that then please kindly fuck off and stop reading my shit. For the others, read on…
A year ago my submissive, Sarah, was a depressed cutter that wanted nothing more than to end her life. To finally find a means of escape and get away from the world in which had become her prison. While she STILL says she didn’t mean to do it, or didn’t realize how deep she was cutting, I know better, and I know she knows better as well. However, this post isn’t about that. First a little back story for those of you that either do not know, or have forgotten the way things have happened.
I met Sarah a couple of months after her mother had passed away. Her mother, the wonderful woman she was, finally had no fight left in her after a very long battle of being sick. She left behind her children and her husband. Sarah was carrying quite a bit on her shoulders, and no I’m not getting into details because that would be ill of me to do on the inter-webs. Bottom line, the time that should have been spent grieving was actually spent doing other things, things that were making her more and more upset. She developed a very unhealthy depression and again turned to cutting. May 22nd, 2011 she cut herself for the last time, leaving very deep wounds that should have been attended to by a doctor. Her own fear kept her away from the medical attention she should have gotten and she’s been punished for that accordingly.
To say I was pretty pissed at Sarah for this act of selfish ignorance was putting it mildly. I was so angry with her actions that I told her this.
“If you want to kill yourself then do it. I will not sit here and watch you cry out for attention or watch you hurt yourself. If you truly want to die then you will, but I know just as well as you do that you don’t actually want to end your own life. If you EVER do this to yourself again you will never speak to me, see me, or have me in your life again. Do I make myself clear?”
That night she promised to never touch a blade again for the purpose of harming herself. A year and a day later, she has kept this promise, though I know from experience that the thought fills her mind often. I do not punish her for that, I myself still remember my friend quite well. I remember the comfort it gave me in times where I needed to feel alive, and it gave me that feeling. Despite the thoughts that run through her head, her actions speak loudly and deserve recognition. Therefore before I’m done with this post I have one more thing to say.
Sarah,
We’ve been through a lot of things with one another. I am always proud of you for the things that you do and the ways that you continue to grow, however I think you have earned a reward for your behavior. Do not ask about the reward, do not try over and over again to guess. Remember my pet, good things come to those who wait… and honestly you do deserve this, more than perhaps you realize.
Thanks for reading. Stay safe and stay well.
xoxo
Snow
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