Thoughts and Realizations

So today I was sitting in the car with some new and old friends. We had a moment of hell and we were just getting back home. So I had the music on and zoned out for a few minutes. Thankfully when I do this I can still drive, somehow. That’s not the point though. The point is this…. Hinder was playing, the song Without You. There’s been a lot going on in the last week. I found out some shit about the dude I was seeing, found out a lot about me and my future, and it’s got me all thinking about well everything. So Heidi is sitting in the car, my son, Heidi’s boyfriend, and my ex and best girl of all time. The song is playing and I just zoned out thinking about everything with my ex and the shit going on right now. Then it was like all of a sudden everything opened up and I could see it all. It was just one of those moments I guess.

 

All of the things I’ve done. The people I’ve been with… The things I’ve seen… all of them no matter good or bad… and I cried over Les? Really?!? I’m sorta thinking WTF have I done?? I was asked what was wrong and if I was alright, this that and the other, but honestly I just wanted a nice hard slap across the face.

 

What do I realize now? I realize that Les and I weren’t meant to be together. I realize that no matter what I think and feel in my heart it won’t EVER matter. It’s not that I’m not good enough, it’s that I’m too good. Too good to let myself end up hurt, too good to let myself be drug down… and too good to end up spending another second crying. I’ve got my friends, I’ve got my kids, and I’ve got a hell of a road to go down. Everyone that’s been worried about me… ya’ll don’t gotta worry. I’mma be alright. One step at a time, and soon enough it’s gonna be forever away. We’re good now, and I’m gonna make sure it stays that way.

 

I might post this to my blog. I’m not totally sure yet, but I guess we’ll see. Ciao for now, love you all, and sorry for worrying anyone. *giggles*

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