My Past and Something…

So I’ve had a lot of shit happen to me in the past. Some things I hold guarded, and others some people happen to know. Some of my readers, the ones that know me and have for a long time know the biggest thing I hold inside. That I don’t let people know, and what actually should have killed me. I’m still not sure how I survived that. Don’t worry this isn’t about Georgia or the events that happened there. I promise. I’m sitting here today talking to my ex. It’s one of my ex’s from like high school. He doesn’t know about Georgia or what happened, and really that doesn’t matter. I’m sitting here right now realizing that he was the first. The first guy that did me wrong, the first of many. The first real heartbreak I had, again the first of many. I think a small part of me is realizing that maybe if things had gone different with him I might not be the person I am right now.

 

Who am I right now? I don’t believe in love or relationships anymore. I’m very guarded and protective of myself. I keep to myself most of the time, and try to keep the wall in place so people don’t get “too close”. I’m that chick that seems to have a great life, that hides all of the horrible things that happen to her and have happened to her.

 

There was a time when I thought this ex was the one I’d spend forever with. He was the second person I fell in love with. There really was nothing that I wouldn’t do for him. He got locked up, and I went with his mom and sister to see him, EVERY chance I got. I wrote him religiously, and held on when I probably should have given up. Right now this is bring up a LOT of emotions, some of which I’m not sure if I can even deal with right now.

Thanks for reading… I just needed to get this out.

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