Pure Snow

So a few days ago I was talking to a friend, and he said I was strong. I haven’t been feeling too strong lately, I feel very small and weak honestly. I had the chance to be submissive again, to serve, and be a good girl… and I feel like I blew it. I was talking to someone that wanted to date me and ended up on a phone call for an hour after I texted him… with his girlfriend. I’ve been highly depressed between the end of last year and the start of this year. I lost someone I was deeply in love with, and it tore my whole world apart. So it really isn’t a good time for me, and I certainly don’t feel strong by any means of the word. Then I got on facebook and saw a post from like five years ago.

“I’ve carried a child within my body,slept with a baby on my chest.I’ve kissed boo boos and mended broken hearts.I’ve been puked on peed on, and spent sleepless nights in the rocking chair. But I wouldn’t have it any other way. My body isn’t magazine perfect, but when I look in the mirror, I see a MOM, and there is no greater honor or blessing!! “

It’s one of those re-post if you agree type of things, but it made me honestly stop and think about something. Yes I’m fat, and I’m nowhere NEAR perfect. I get undressed, alone and in front of others, and I wonder who would find it attractive at times. I’m getting older, I’m stubborn, and I have my issues as  everyone does… but  I have done things in life that some never have the chance to do, one being motherhood. I have carried a living being inside of my body, I’ve slept with a baby on my chest, I have kissed thousands of boo boos and tried to the very best of my ability to mend broken hearts over and over. I’ve been puked on, peed on, pooped on, and bled on. I’ve had millions of tears shed over various parts of my skin. I’ve gone countless nights without sleep, I’ve lived weeks with worry and doubt making a lifetime. I’ve been the reason that someone smiles and wakes up. I have helped countless situations, and I’ve survived cancer. I have been a good girl, and I’m STILL HERE. I may not feel very strong, but I am. It’s not the end of me, and tomorrow won’t be either. It’s going to be okay… and while it may seem like it won’t ever get better, and I’m going to be filled with stress, anxiety, panic and depression until I finally die… that’s not the case. The case is I am strong, and I’ll make it come hell or high water. I may not be perfect by any means, but I may just be perfectly what someone is looking for.

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