Day 10: One confession
I’ve thought a lot about what this one confession could be. There are a few things that no one knows about me, and while it’s not always the best things that I keep from people, it tends to be something that almost no one would realize. I could make this sexual or completely non sexual. I could in theory make this about anything, however I think that my confession will have to start here…
I met him years ago sitting at a family friend’s computer. He sent me a message just wanting to chat because he’d lived in Columbus and missed it a little. We talked for a while, then more the day after, and again the next day. We talked almost daily, about music, movies, anything really. We quickly became friends, and I quickly became totally 100% smitten. It was a childhood crush, and neither of us could help it. We talked more and more, on the computer, on the phone, any way we could… we even sent mail to one another. The best things would be the little packages we made up for one another and then mailed. Those have always been the best.
Time always seems to be going, never stopping even for anything. I went from having a childish crush to falling in love with him. I realized this and started to freak out. I cut contact and ran away from him. It is one of the biggest mistakes of my life. I missed him like I missed air, like I missed the sun… it was something I couldn’t stand. I called him up, messaged him, and came back. It was like I’d never left, like it had only been a day that we hadn’t talked. I did this a few times, and each time I was always more depressed than ever as a result. The fact of the matter is I was in love with him and every part of my being knew it.
So you’re probably wondering where is the confession part right? Well the confession part is that I’m still in love with him. Madly in love with him, yet not a lot of people know it. If I have a soul mate, a partner, a one and only that completely completes me… it’s Sean. My soul aches and hurts when I don’t talk to him, when I don’t hear from him. I worry and freak out at times over him. Is he alright? Is his family alright? How is he doing? What is he doing? I tend to lose track of time when I think about Sean. So my confession is just that, everything that I’ve written here. My past, my present, and my future. I was a girl in love with a man, and now I’m a woman still in love with the same man. I’m not totally sure what anyone is going to think of this, Sean included, but at least I’m finally letting it all out. So there it is.
I’ve actually enjoyed the writing project. I wish there were more days to do… it’s been fun, and given me a lot of things to think about. Maybe I’ll come up with another little project like this one after a little thinking… Thanks for reading and hopefully not everyone I know is pissed at me.
Snow's Daily Life 